Point of View: The Eyes

Ok, another day, another batch of sights to see.  I’m so glad I don’t look at the sun on a regular basis.

Man the bathroom is dirty.  Better send a memo to the brain to clean in here the next chance we get.  Look at that water coming at us!  Yep, get those eyelids down and guard me from the hot water.  Smart move body.

This shirt is so blue!  And there’re sandals, board shorts.  This is actually kind of boring. 

Ok, now we’re driving, time to kick it up a notch.  Car, car, pedestrian, carcarcarcar car behind us, car on the left, dude coming into traffic another car bicyclists.  Man this is really har-CAR!  Close one legs slamming the brakes, smart.

There’s a lot of sand and water, people in bathing suits.  Oh!  We’re at the beach, excellent!  Lots of cute girls to ogle,

OH FUCK ME THERE’S SAND US!

Gahhh!  It’s like billions of itty bitty knives stabbing from everywhere.  Blinking hurts too much, stay open!  Dammit the wind is worse!

Here comes water!  Yeah, yeah, that feels better.  Whew, that was NOT fun. Now that the sand is out of our general area let’s enjot the sights of the beach.  Hey, there’s Frisbee over there.  Awesome, the hands are going up, but they look a little low.  I dunno if the hands are going to-

*THUNK*

FUCKING DAMMIT WHO CAN’T CATCH A FRISBEE??

Point of View: The Brain

And now, the brain of Brian “The Binge” Johnson, four time world champion hot dog eater, as he begins his match.

Remember, it takes twenty minutes for the brain to realize the body is eating.  Let’s walk through this minute by minute.

Minute 1

Boy, it sure is great to be Brian Johnson’s brain.  He never does drugs, reads a lot, this sure is nice.  It’s a nice day and there’re so many sounds to interpret!

Minute 2

Well well, it seems the ears told the mouth to start something, and boy is the mouth going!  Hey, the arms are helping too!  How about the legs and feet?

Minute 3

Hm, the lower part of the body is just sitting.  That’s weird, because the mouth is chewing pretty hardcore.  At least I think it’s chewing. 

Minute 4

It MUST be chewing, because the mouth is going and NO ONE asked for my input.  I hope they would want my input, I mean I AM the brain after all.

Minute 5

I wonder if we left the stove on.

Minute 6

I sure do like sex.  Ok, the mouth is doing something, but what?

Minute 7

Maybe if I figure out the arms.  Back and forth a lot.  A dunking motion, but always to the mouth really fast.  This is SO weird.

Minute 8

Maybe he’s…I can’t figure it out, I’m a blank, there’s no set thought to anything he’s doing, it’s so mechanical. 

Minute 9

It’s like he’s doing something he practiced over and over, like all those eating competitions!

Minute 10

Wait a minute.  Is he eating?

Minute 11

How crazy would it be if he was in an eating competition right now?  Hah, how wacky. 

Minute 12

Boy the arms and mouth are still going at it, impressive.  Wait, a sudden stop?

Minute 13

Boy, this gets weirder and weirder.  Now we’re leaning back, the hands are resting on the belly, and the belly is trying to tell me something.

Minute 14

“Boo crunch tood?”  “Doo bunch glue?”  Stomach, I don’t understand a thing you just tried to tell me.

Minute 15

Hey alright!  We’re being handed a trophy!  I wonder what for.  Probably for something awesome.

Minute 16

I think having sex with my girlfriend tonight would be great.  Oh!  Also Jessica Simpson before she got heavy.

Minute 17

Oh wow, why does stomach keep bouncing around?  He doesn’t seem very happy.

Minute 18

Great, now the esophagus is acting up, trying to return something.  Hey guys!  We can’t return anything we didn’t get!

Minute 19

Boy, why would stomach and esophagus try to throw up when we haven’t even eaten anything yet?

Minute 20

OH GOD WE ATE 50 HOT DOGS IN 12 MINUTES!!