Top ten Man Made objects monkeys love.

10. Jungle Gyms:  It'slike the jungle, but without all those snakes and hunters and tigers.  it's the swinging without the danger, and monkeys hate danger.  Or so I assume, I don't actually know anything about monkeys.

Monkeys fucking LOVE this.

9. Drums: Monkeys love noise, and there isn't much less like music and more like noise than drum sets.  Monkeys just thrash and explosions happen!

8. Crayons: You ever watch a monkey color?  They lose themselves, like in that "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" movie, Ceaser colored like an artist until he went nuts and enslaved humanity.

7. Fake boobs: Monkeys love normal boobs so why wouldn't they be big fans (pun intended) of always perfect never saggy boobs?  It's a fact. (probably not fact)

The best of friends.

6. Clint Eastwood: Mostly just Clyde was into Clint during "Every Which Way but Loose" and even then I think orangutans are apes, not monkeys.  The arguments stands though.

5. Buttons:  Not like on clothes, buttons that when pressed crazy shit happens.  Hitting a button makes a banana happen?  Fuck yes!  But in monkey talk, so mostly grunts and shrieks.

4. Lab equipment:  Why is this on the list.  Only because most lab equipment is fragile AND expensive, which makes for a monkey's attention full force.

He's BANANAS for style.

3. iPads: Monkeys love to break things and iPads are fun to break.  Take THAT biting satire Apple!


2. Suits: There is a reason they call it a 'monkey suit'.  I don't actually know what that reason is, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with how great monkeys look while wearing suits.  If you toss in a hat and suitcase, well then hell yeah!


1. Masturbation: Man created the idea of tugging at your crank, but monkeys perfected it.  Especially when elementary school groups walk by with the teacher trying to hide the sight of the lonley monkey making himself a little less lonely.