Open Letter to Bathroom Graffiti people

Dear people who scrawl on the wall of the bathroom,

     It’s obvious you hate anyone different from you.  Everyone has different ways to relax, but your method of relaxation tends to hurt others in their most intimate moments.  I would like to make a request, and I think it’s fairly reasonable.

Please leave the stalls alone.  We have the internet so you have no reason to etch your rage into the paint of the bathroom stall.  Little kids and adorably naïve people use that bathroom, and you’re ruining public pooping for them.

How much effort does it take to etch dirty words into the stall wall?  One would have to imagine it takes a considerable amount of effort to express that hate.  Wouldn’t it be much easier-and I imagine more satisfying-to simply scream obscenities at someone different form you in public?

If I may, I would like to make suggestions for alternate things to do when you wish to defile another bathroom wall.  I have the top choices in a handy to read list below.

1     1. Origami

2     2. Read a book

3     3. Sing “Happy Birthday” to the poop you are butt birthing.

4     4. Think about the rise of the common man against the bourgeoisie versus the proletariat.

5     5. Just eliminate waste

If you could be gracious enough to consider these activities before scratching into the stall wall, it would be greatly appreciated.  I believe I speak for everyone who uses public restrooms that we have enough to deal with between strung out junkies, spilled urine, and paper towels that don’t actually dry your hands.

So, in conclusion, please stop writing and scratching dirty words into our bathrooms.  Thank you for your time and patience, and have a wonderful day.

Respectfully yours,

-Blake T. Hunt

Movieholic: The Amazing Spider-Man

I am a fan of Spider-Man.   I've seen every Spider-Man movie the day they released.  I collect Spider-Man comics.  I have a Spider-Man water bottle.  I have played almost every Spider-Man video game.  I dressed up as Spider-Man when I was 9 years old and seriously considering doing that again at the age of 28. I think it's safe to assume that I may be biased towards Spider-Man.

However it doesn't matter that I am biased, because The Amazing Spider-Man(ASM) is a great movie.  It's fresh, it hits all the important Spider-Man lore plot points, and it gives a visual feast that web swingers the world over should be pleased with.

Synopsis: Young Peter Parker is playing when his parents discover someone has broken into their home, specifically Richard Parker's study.  The Parker parents rush Peter off to his Uncle Ben and Aunt May (Martin Sheen and Sally Field) and then leave.  Cut to teenage Peter (Andrew Garfield) as he deals with bullies, young love, and life in New York.  After discovering his father's briefcase, Peter goes to the Oscorp building where his father used to work.  Enter Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) as the head intern to Dr. Curt Conners (Rhys Ifans).  Now the players are on the board.

Peter gets bit by the infamous spider in the Oscorp building, and discovers he now has spider powers.  He also finds the courage to approach Dr. Conners about his work with animal DNA and helps the doctor find a way to regrow his lost limb, but with terrible consequences.  While falling for Gwen and fighting crime, Peter has to find a way to stop The Lizard and not lose his life in the process.

The director Marc Webb wanted a more intimate Spider-Man movie and that's what he delivered.  Garfield plays a more confident, funny, brilliant Peter Parker than I've seen in a long time.  He isn't constantly wallowing in darkness with guilt but he feels it hovering over him like a shadow.  Gwen matches Peter in verbal bouts of wit, but what fan of Emma Stone would expect less?   Ifans plays Conners headstrong and certain of his work to the point of personal risk, and Martin Sheen is a perfect Uncle Ben.

Everything about ASM is new but familiar.  Like a redesigned show that fits perfectly, ASM gives us the web swinging and losing loved ones that Spider-Man's world seems to require, but updated for a new generation of viewers and comic book fans.  I can't help but draw a comparison between ASM and the launch of Ultimate Comics Spider-Man, where we know the story, but now we see a different angle.

I did spot a few spots that seemed off.  Gwen's mannerisms felt more like Emma Stone the actress than Gwen Stacy the character.  That isn't to say I disliked it, but it felt like Stone didn't know where to take the character.  Hopefully she'll find her way in the sequel.  I was also skeptical about scenes where Peter is testing his new powers by skateboarding.  Maybe I'm just stubborn about arts of the source material, but hopping around on a skateboard seems like a commercial for an energy drink and less a way for a super hero to find his groove.

Luckily everything comes together for a clear reason and the writers and director don't toss a pointless scene at us.  Whether it's Peter fighting back against bullies, Gwen having a funny back and forth with her father, or Dr. Conners being ominous while shoving Peter away, everything fits together and ties up any loose ends.  Even if Spider-Man isn't your favorite comic book character, please so see The Amazing Spider-Man.  It has action, comedy, romance, a lizard monster, and a new Spider-Man you'll want to see return in the future.

P.S. The Stan Lee cameo is one of the best I've ever seen.  You can't miss him!

P.P.S. If you want a post credits scene, you won't have to wait very long.  You get your slice of teaser early in the credits.