Saturday, July 7, 2012

Open Letter to Bathroom Graffiti people

Dear people who scrawl on the wall of the bathroom,

     It’s obvious you hate anyone different from you.  Everyone has different ways to relax, but your method of relaxation tends to hurt others in their most intimate moments.  I would like to make a request, and I think it’s fairly reasonable.

Please leave the stalls alone.  We have the internet so you have no reason to etch your rage into the paint of the bathroom stall.  Little kids and adorably naïve people use that bathroom, and you’re ruining public pooping for them.

How much effort does it take to etch dirty words into the stall wall?  One would have to imagine it takes a considerable amount of effort to express that hate.  Wouldn’t it be much easier-and I imagine more satisfying-to simply scream obscenities at someone different form you in public?

If I may, I would like to make suggestions for alternate things to do when you wish to defile another bathroom wall.  I have the top choices in a handy to read list below.

1     1. Origami
2     2. Read a book
3     3. Sing “Happy Birthday” to the poop you are butt birthing.
4     4. Think about the rise of the common man against the bourgeoisie versus the proletariat.
5     5. Just eliminate waste

If you could be gracious enough to consider these activities before scratching into the stall wall, it would be greatly appreciated.  I believe I speak for everyone who uses public restrooms that we have enough to deal with between strung out junkies, spilled urine, and paper towels that don’t actually dry your hands.

So, in conclusion, please stop writing and scratching dirty words into our bathrooms.  Thank you for your time and patience, and have a wonderful day.

Respectfully yours,
-Blake T. Hunt

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