Monday, July 30, 2012

5 Reasons why Django Unchained is going to be Amazing

I've seen a few trailers for the new Quentin Tarantino film "Django Unchained" and I feel that more of a fuss should be made about why this movie is going to be incredible.  So here are ive reason why I think "Django Unchained" is going to be awesome.

1. Jamie Foxx kicks white people ass: Foxx plays the slave Django (the "D" is silent) and gets to murder white slave owners.  As a fan of Tarantino I expect an extreme amount of love for African-Americans, and "Django Unchained" seems to promise plenty of Tarantino's love of the N-word.  I'm also having a lot of trouble picturing anyone else in this role.

2.  Christoph Waltz plays the other starring role: Who is Christoph Waltz?  Only the Jew Hunter from "Inglorious Basterds" and Chudnosfsky, the bad guy from the "Green Hornet" film.  His diction is amazing, his acting is superb, and he plays a bounty hunter.  Fuck off Boba Fett.

3.  Leonardo DiCaprio is a bad guy: Yes.  He's a great actor and it will be fun to see Leo's skill combined with Tarantino's directing style.  In the trailer he's drinking out of a mother fucking coconut shell  How is that not enough to make you watch the movie?

4.  It's an unconventional western film:  Westerns are sort of making a comeback, and this can help just by being not entirerly a western in the same way "Inglorious Basterds" wasn't historically accurate.  When Quentin Tarantino gets to screw around with history it's only a good thing.

5.  No more super heroes: Look, I loved The Amazing Spider-Man, The Avengers, and The Dark Knight Rises, but for fuck's sake can we get a good film that doesn't come from a comic book?  Give me a goddamn break Hollywood.  Ease off the superhero movies until 2013.  Oh you are?  Scratch that last comment.
Oh hell yes.
If you agree or disagree with me, follow and hit me up on Twitter @SupChiCoo

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Top ten reason to dislike zombies

So there are several reasons to not be a fan of zombies.  If you're unsure what the reasons should be then take a gander at the list below.

Let's make this a flag!

10. Zombies are technically spreading a vicious strain of STDs.

9. Zombies never wash their clothes.

8. Zombies steer the conversation to what they care about no matter the subject.  The subject being brains.

7. Zombies rarely comb their hair if they have it.

6. When a relative (parents, siblings, etc) becomes a zombie they make your life difficult on purpose.

5. Zombies don't understand that "no" means "no".

4. Zombies are lazy and selfish.

3. Zombies always gang up on you in every situation.

2. Zombies always break your doors and windows.

1. Zombies never offer to share your brains with you.

And now a single reason to like zombies in the interest of fairness.
1. Zombies are better than those faggy vampires.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Movieholic: The Dark Knight Rises

It's hard to remember a time when Christopher Nolan wasn't the go to name with Batman films.  Well now that time has come to an end and the public has to accept the end of the Batman/Dark Knight trilogy.

In The Dark Knight Rises (TDKR) Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) has been retired from being the Batman, freeing him up mingle with new characters such as Miranda Tate (Marion Cotillard) and Gotham Police Officer John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt).  Gotham is free from major crime aside from thefts by cat burglar Selina Kyle (Anne Hathaway) which makes the arrival of the terrorist Bane (Tom Hardy) more painful and shocking.  Despite efforts between Batman, John Blake, and Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) Bane takes Gotham and threatens the peace that Gotham once knew.  Can Batman rise up and stop this masked powerhouse before Gotham is reduced to ashes?

I know many people are going to compare TDKR to the other films in the trilogy, but let's ignore them which is easy to do thanks to how Nolan makes each film stand on its own.  So we get to see Selina Kyle kick ass and Bane murder almost everyone he meets while Batman fights the police and his aged body on the stage of Gotham on the brink of destruction.  Despite these legendary characters strutting around Gotham some of the most impressive on screen presence comes from Officer Blake and Commissioner Gordon.  It feels like TDKR is telling the average movie goer you don't have to be a hero to save the day.  If that is the message then I applaud it, if that's not the message then it's still a damn good movie.

If I've been too vague in my stance on the movie, I loved it.  I was terrified of Bane, fell in love with Selina Kyle, rooted for Batman, and felt myself side with John Blake during every moment I was free of with Bane or Batman.  Unfortunately it's not perfect, as there are a lot of moments without Batman.  It works in the film, but with expert editing one could make this a new movie titled "Gotham Rises" and just take out Batman entirely.  I don't want to see that happen, but there are so many characters our Caped Crusader lost some screen time.  

Still no movie is fantastic and this is a great send off for Christopher Nolan and Co.  We took the ride over three movies of his Batman to wash the taste of Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin out of our mouths.  No hokey puns, the exposition was well done, we get the required winks to the dedicated Bat-fans, and we get an ending that both satisfies and opens the imagination.

If you enjoyed the first two Batmans, or love Anne Hathaway and Tom Hardy, this movie is a fantastic ride you can't miss.  I will warn you that Batman and Bruce Wayne do have a smaller presence in this film and Anne Hathway essentially steals the show, so some of the bigger fans of the Batman trilogy may have to in with expectations lowered.  

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Open Letter to Bathroom Graffiti people

Dear people who scrawl on the wall of the bathroom,

     It’s obvious you hate anyone different from you.  Everyone has different ways to relax, but your method of relaxation tends to hurt others in their most intimate moments.  I would like to make a request, and I think it’s fairly reasonable.

Please leave the stalls alone.  We have the internet so you have no reason to etch your rage into the paint of the bathroom stall.  Little kids and adorably na├»ve people use that bathroom, and you’re ruining public pooping for them.

How much effort does it take to etch dirty words into the stall wall?  One would have to imagine it takes a considerable amount of effort to express that hate.  Wouldn’t it be much easier-and I imagine more satisfying-to simply scream obscenities at someone different form you in public?

If I may, I would like to make suggestions for alternate things to do when you wish to defile another bathroom wall.  I have the top choices in a handy to read list below.

1     1. Origami
2     2. Read a book
3     3. Sing “Happy Birthday” to the poop you are butt birthing.
4     4. Think about the rise of the common man against the bourgeoisie versus the proletariat.
5     5. Just eliminate waste

If you could be gracious enough to consider these activities before scratching into the stall wall, it would be greatly appreciated.  I believe I speak for everyone who uses public restrooms that we have enough to deal with between strung out junkies, spilled urine, and paper towels that don’t actually dry your hands.

So, in conclusion, please stop writing and scratching dirty words into our bathrooms.  Thank you for your time and patience, and have a wonderful day.

Respectfully yours,
-Blake T. Hunt

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Movieholic: The Amazing Spider-Man

I am a fan of Spider-Man.   I've seen every Spider-Man movie the day they released.  I collect Spider-Man comics.  I have a Spider-Man water bottle.  I have played almost every Spider-Man video game.  I dressed up as Spider-Man when I was 9 years old and seriously considering doing that again at the age of 28. I think it's safe to assume that I may be biased towards Spider-Man.

However it doesn't matter that I am biased, because The Amazing Spider-Man(ASM) is a great movie.  It's fresh, it hits all the important Spider-Man lore plot points, and it gives a visual feast that web swingers the world over should be pleased with.

Synopsis: Young Peter Parker is playing when his parents discover someone has broken into their home, specifically Richard Parker's study.  The Parker parents rush Peter off to his Uncle Ben and Aunt May (Martin Sheen and Sally Field) and then leave.  Cut to teenage Peter (Andrew Garfield) as he deals with bullies, young love, and life in New York.  After discovering his father's briefcase, Peter goes to the Oscorp building where his father used to work.  Enter Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) as the head intern to Dr. Curt Conners (Rhys Ifans).  Now the players are on the board.

Peter gets bit by the infamous spider in the Oscorp building, and discovers he now has spider powers.  He also finds the courage to approach Dr. Conners about his work with animal DNA and helps the doctor find a way to regrow his lost limb, but with terrible consequences.  While falling for Gwen and fighting crime, Peter has to find a way to stop The Lizard and not lose his life in the process.

The director Marc Webb wanted a more intimate Spider-Man movie and that's what he delivered.  Garfield plays a more confident, funny, brilliant Peter Parker than I've seen in a long time.  He isn't constantly wallowing in darkness with guilt but he feels it hovering over him like a shadow.  Gwen matches Peter in verbal bouts of wit, but what fan of Emma Stone would expect less?   Ifans plays Conners headstrong and certain of his work to the point of personal risk, and Martin Sheen is a perfect Uncle Ben.

Everything about ASM is new but familiar.  Like a redesigned show that fits perfectly, ASM gives us the web swinging and losing loved ones that Spider-Man's world seems to require, but updated for a new generation of viewers and comic book fans.  I can't help but draw a comparison between ASM and the launch of Ultimate Comics Spider-Man, where we know the story, but now we see a different angle.

I did spot a few spots that seemed off.  Gwen's mannerisms felt more like Emma Stone the actress than Gwen Stacy the character.  That isn't to say I disliked it, but it felt like Stone didn't know where to take the character.  Hopefully she'll find her way in the sequel.  I was also skeptical about scenes where Peter is testing his new powers by skateboarding.  Maybe I'm just stubborn about arts of the source material, but hopping around on a skateboard seems like a commercial for an energy drink and less a way for a super hero to find his groove.

Luckily everything comes together for a clear reason and the writers and director don't toss a pointless scene at us.  Whether it's Peter fighting back against bullies, Gwen having a funny back and forth with her father, or Dr. Conners being ominous while shoving Peter away, everything fits together and ties up any loose ends.  Even if Spider-Man isn't your favorite comic book character, please so see The Amazing Spider-Man.  It has action, comedy, romance, a lizard monster, and a new Spider-Man you'll want to see return in the future.

P.S. The Stan Lee cameo is one of the best I've ever seen.  You can't miss him!
P.P.S. If you want a post credits scene, you won't have to wait very long.  You get your slice of teaser early in the credits.