Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Part 2 of 2 of Guest Writer of Site.

Hey folks.  We will be continuing Murray's list of why the internet is bad, but I need to fill you in before we go forward.  It turns out Murray won't be doing the actual posting today, or for a few years.  He texted me last night that he was in Mexico escaping what he called "the fuzz".  I guess his "side hobby" involving moonshine finally caught up with him.  

In any case he sent me a rough draft of what he was working on, but upon reading it I almost threw up.  So instead of subjecting you to his original thought process, I edited the whole thing and will post what I mined from the caves of crazy he sent me.

5. Myspace
No Toms allowed.
Myspace is the equivalent of that one house on a block that makes everyone sad.  They never tear it down, but they leave it up, reminding everyone how fragile and pointless our lives are.  Plus bands keep squatting there and posting music. Totally depressing. 

4. Chatroulette
How is it someone thought it was a good idea to make stranger meet face to face over the web?  I remember a little saying when I was young.  What was that saying?  Stranger danger!

3. Craigslist
I can’t think of another place where I can get sex, electronics, a job, and a free blood stained couch cushion besides Craigslist.  Well, maybe in that alley behind the bowling alley.  You know the one, it’s got that homeless guy who’s always touching himself and reciting lines from The Jeffersons.

2. Facebook
Hah, swear words.
Facebook used to be awesome.  Back in 2004 I got an invite to join Facebook, a social network where the main purpose was to keep in touch with college friends.  I could chat with old high school friends or send a message to a buddy down the hall in my dorm.  And then EVERYONE was allowed a Facebook account.  That snotty ten year old that I hate, strangers I’ve never met and never WANT to meet, and potential employers that want to comb over my profile and give me shit for liking the third Spider-Man movie.

1.  Humanity
Things like Facebook, Chatroulette, and Craigslist were started with the best of intentions.  People from across the globe would meet, discuss ideas, and make our world a better place.  Yet we use Facebook to stalk friends of friends, Chatroulette for showing strangers our genitalia, and Craigslist…I can’t even mention here.  Thanks to humanity being a generally awful thing as an idea AND species, the internet is ruined forever.
Way to go mankind.

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