The title is a bit off. It should probably say "Why I won't be a crime fighter". Luckily the reasons overlap for both.
First off, I don't feel like going out every night to get punched and do punching to criminals. I can't even keep myself from eating the entire sleeve of cookies in one sitting, forget going out after I got my pajama pants on. I simply don't have the willpower for it.
Second, I could never think of a good name for the press, never mind deciding on a costume. I don't have the funds to make an Iron Man suit, but I refuse to run around in skin tight spandex. It's a lose-lose situation, whether it's winter or summer. I thought about leather jackets for a short while, but I don't look good in leather anything.
Also, who gives a shit if the mad scientist melts a bunch of senators? Those old farts can't do their job as is, I'm thinking if new people come in and screw up, guess what? More melted government officials! Maybe letting the bad guy off a few hostages will get people to try harder and improve this planet. I've seen plenty of action movies where the people employing the good guy are actually the bad guys. Nice try government.
Plus capes are really gay. Can we agree on that? Capes = gay? Not in the "I like my own gender gay" but in that mean "that's gay which means stupid which means shut up" kind of gay.