Hey folks, Blake here, letting you know that I'm feeling a bit under the weather, so I've asked a guy who says he's a film critic to write some reviews for me. I'll be back next time, enjoy!
One time replacement Ian Nicholas Tern here. So I never found the time to see the movies I'm supposed to review, but Blake already gave me a bag of money. So you're getting reviews based on the posters.
So I'm supposed to believe this kid got onto a clock all by himself? No f***ing way. Those shorts are stupid, the clock isn't digital, and I can't see the top of the clock tower. I'm assuming they forgot to finish the drawing. Also the kid looks fat, fail.
Jason Segel is holding back an army of felt monsters. It ain't easy being green when you're putting a bullet through your skull. But I do like that he dressed nice for the poster. I'm guessing that's church nice. What were we talking about?
A Dangerous Method
I guess Magneto and Aragorn are fighting over Elizabeth Swan? Meh, though if Knightly gets naked in this, I'll consider seeing it. What? No nudity? Go to hell ratings system.
If there is a God, please do me a favor and kill me before this comes out. The last thing I need is some jackass saving Christmas AGAIN.
The Hunger Games
So this was a book first? Or was it a senior class photo? Either way I'm not going to go see it.
So is this a sequel/prequel to Jurassic Park, I think, and it follows that scary ass T-Rex. Man that thing was scary. But I'm tired of dinosaurs. Fail.
A man lies to a baby in a car seat. I'm always up for lying to children. This movie gets a pass and I'll watch this forever.
Ok that's all you're getting. Blake will be back next time, and if you know what's good for you you'll heed my reviews. HEED!
The films these posters advertised are the sole property of whoever owns them, this site only pokes fun in jest, so don't sue. If you sue, you'll get one nice pair of shoes and half a sandwich, that's all I got.