Thursday, April 5, 2012

An Open Letter to Dog Walkers

Dear Dog Walkers,

     While I commend you getting your pet the exercise it needs, please try to walk your dog correctly.  If you are unsure what I mean by the term “walk your dog correctly”, then please continue reading.  If you aren’t confused, read more anyway.

     When you walk your dog, you are supposed to pay attention to the dog, the dog is your top priority.  Even if you’re a single guy trying to find a lady or a single lady trying to find a guy, you should be focused on your dog.  And nothing gives you an excuse to dress the dog like a tiny gay person.  They come with fur, they don’t need a sweater that says “Back That Thang Up”.

     But for the main point of the letter, humans have evolved to the point that we get rid of our waste in a discrete fashion, but dogs still just go whenever they can.  Which means they are dropping poop where other people walk.  Since dogs don’t have the facilities that people do, (i.e. thumbs) they will need you to pick that poop up for them.  Now when I say pick up, I mean scoop it with a bag or shovel and deposit the poop in the proper place that is not where my feet land while I walk.  If you don’t have access to bags or shovels, then you better get your hands good and poopy.

     So in summation, you dog walkers should realize how lucky you are to own a dog to walk, and not spend precious exercise time texting, flirting, or trying to get your dog to simply poop and pee as quick as possible.  Enjoy your time together in the outdoors, because one day, you’ll be sad that your trusty companion has died from eating chocolate that you left out.  Just saying.

Keep it classy,

Blake T. Hunt

No comments:

Post a Comment