Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Conspiracy: Zombies' Popularity

     They’re everywhere.  They are on television, in your comics, roaming the streets, eating your vegetables.  I’m talking of course about zombies.

     Zombies are big right now, real big.  There’s an award winning comic book with a TV show based on it that is all about zombies.  Bookstores carry more books about zombies than any other monster in popular culture.  There are more zombie books then there are of some genres of books.   Even group sanctioned events promote zombie popularity over vampires or werewolves. 

     So why is there all this fresh zombie love?  Love for mindless, souless creatures who only want to stuff chunks of you into their skinless maws.  It doesn’t make any sense that we treat our fellow human beings with hate and poor manners while we roll out the (blood) red carpet for the undead.  Well I think I’ve gotten to the bottom of the zombie epidemic, and it starts, with vampires.

That's right zombie, BE SAD.
     Vampires are real, and they don’t need people snooping around, becoming real life Blades, and slaughtering draculas left and right.  No, they need a new target, a scapegoat.  They need something stupid, slow, and easy to hate.  The zombie populace meets the requirements, completely unaware that they’re being made the main target of horror enthusiast and amateur monster hunters everywhere. 

     But why stop there folks?  Let’s make Twilight, a series of books and films painting vampires the protagonists instead of the antagonists, one of the biggest films in the world right now.  But who could they turn to make Edward the Vampire the dreamy hero as opposed to neck biting horror?  How about our current day Dracula Stephanie Myer?

     “Ok, so you’re attacking a writer, what about George Romero and his epic zombie films?”  George Romero is an innocent in this cultural war.  He made his “Living Dead” films as cautionary tales, but now those tales have been twisted into sick fun house mirror versions out of the general mythos.  His warning can no longer be heard over the chewing of necks that billions of vampires (estimate number) are allowed to do now that they’ve made zombies the number one threat.

     I can’t write any longer, but keep an open mind and open eyes people, for the UPS package of overnight truth is coming.  And I’m here to sign for the delivery.

I'm on to you, Douch-cula!

No comments:

Post a Comment