Thursday, June 14, 2012

Five animals that would be dangerous pets.

5.  Shark:  A shark is like a goldfish that won't let you flush it down the toilet.  Every time you go to feed it the shark will eyeball you through the glass as if to say "I'm going to get out and eat you-it's only a matter of time."  How would you focus on your book?

4.  Badger: Despite how fun the word "badger" is to say and how cool they look in cartoons, I'm pretty sure any cage you make for a real life badger will be destroyed well before you wake up in the morning.  And where did little Fluffy go?  Anywhere in the house.

3.  Bear:  Hey, I get it.  You watched Yogi Bear, Winnie the Pooh, and Baloo and now think a bear is a great choice.  And it is.  A bear is an awesome choice when you want to get mauled for eating a sandwich.  While it would be fun to watch TV sitting on the bear like a couch, what happens when it stops hibernating?  I'll answer that for you: death via bear rage.

2.  Rhino: I'm pretty sure once rhinos start moving they never stop.  Which means you'll get that new hallway where the stove and table used to be.

1.  Human:  Humans are the worst.  They poop all the time, they force their stupid opinions on you, and when you start to like them, they die in horrible accidents involving bears and rhinos.  Humans are the worst.

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