Why I want an elephant.

1.  I would stand out at the dog park.  Partly for the squashed dogs in Stampers' wake.

2.  I would save on gas.  I mean car fuel, not butt gas, I think elephants fart pretty hard.

3.  PETA would hate me but never be able to catch me.  Also Stampers would squash them proper.

4.  Stampers would never forget my birthday, or forget anything for that matter.

5.  I could threaten my enemies with his massive feet and tusks.  Then I would mash and spear my enemies.