Friday, December 7, 2012

An Alien's Report on Earth

Esteemed Commanders,

The following is my report regarding the planetoid known as "Earth".  Keep in mind my frankness when discussing domination of this planet, and I only speak thus due to the drastic nature of my report.

The task is impossible.

First off, Earthlings will be a poor work force.  90% of the human race is overweight, lazy, and soft.  They are too soft to handle the razor diamonds in the caves of our third moon Neblar.  The humans also think they deserve great reward for little to no work. Beasts more foul than our Krug-Thaks are paraded on their tele-monitors and paid extravagant sums of currency.

Second, they understand how to kill.  They kill very, very well.  They create visuals that would horrify our most seasoned generals.  There are a series of what the humans call "movies" that frequently depict themurder or invading aliens to their world.  One film in particular "Independance Day" shows how powerful the human celebrities can be by rendering a warroir unconscious with only his fist.

Thirdly, there is a massive amount of water on Earth.  Do not think I exaggerate when I say there is literally water in the air at random peroids.  It is nearly a miracle in itself that I have not perished during what the human's call a "light shower".

So in conclusion, we must not invade Earth.  Not until even their powerful celebrities are defeat able   We must focus on one Will Smith, one Tommy Lee Jones, and one Harrison Ford.  Ford has aligned with a singular Wookie, the infamous "Chewbacca" we all tell cautionary tales about.

In Glory for the Empire,
Sl'arrz Taku, Fultorian Scout

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