Thursday, August 9, 2012

Helpful Werewolf Tips

So you or a loved one has been bitten by an unholy beast from Hell.  It's not the end of the world!  All you have to do is follow these simple tips and you'll have a great time with your part human part wolf monster.

  • Don't go to PetsMart for product: You are still a human being dammit!  I don't care if you have fur on 90% of your body 80% of the time, you are STILL human.  With that in mind, picking up some flea scrub wouldn't be the end of the world.
  • Leave your doors and windows open during full moons: It's inevitable that you'll change into a horrible beast while you sleep, so why wreck the place where you live?  You know what werewolves don't give a shit about?  Doors or windows.  Man-wolves (and Lady-wolves to a lesser extent) will tear straight through any entrances to slake their blood lust.  You're going to get out, so just make your house bill a little easier.
  • Don't sleep in the same room as your significant fuzzy other: Why?  BECAUSE THEY WILL CHANGE INTO A BEAST AND SLAUGHTER YOU IN THEIR SLEEP.  Get separate bedrooms.
  • Let the hair grow: Maybe you're one of those coherent werewolves and you want to shave the hair off.  Don't.  If you do it'll jack up all your hair and growth issues.  You have enough problems becoming a monster every night, just ignore the hair and let it happen.  It's like rapid puberty, it's going to happen so just let it happen.
  • Don't worry if you're a vegan: Sure there are no vegan or vegetarian werewolves seeing as they exclusively eat meat and meat by products.  But as with Vegas what you do as a werewolf stays as a werewolf.  Or something like that.  Basically don't worry about devouring pounds of meat while in wolf form when you only eat veggies as a human.

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