Monday, September 17, 2012

An Open Letter to Men with Shy Bladders

Dear guys with shy bladders,

I would like to call you out on this so called "condition".

What fears could you possibly have being near someone while you pee?  There should never be a reason to fear peeing near others.  The pitfalls of shy bladder are two fold.

First, if you don't go whenever you need to, then your body builds up kidney stones.  These are incredibly painful, cost you thousands of dollars in hospital bills, and then you have to force the stones out your urethra while several people watch you.  See how your shy bladder has betrayed you?

Second, if you have to tell people not to watch you when you pee then you're sacrificing your role in the pack that is your group of peers.  If lower ranking members of the pack sense any form of weakness they will pounce.  But since we're a civilized culture, instead of tearing you apart with their teeth they will instead make fun of you and your "condition".

Now to make a side note to men with bladders so fearful they must take up residence in a bathroom stall merely to urinate.  Stop being a coward.  The stall is for those of us who ate a large meal and need to pass it quickly.  You wouldn't want us squatting over the urinals, we don't want you splashing the seat.

So please, if you have a shy bladder, get over yourself and gain some confidence.

Thank you, and happy trails,
-Blake Hunt

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