Sunday, September 2, 2012

Five people I would punch in the face.

Now I don't harbor ill will towards all the people on this list, this is merely a list of people I would punch in the face given the chance.

Whoever thought "Battleship" needed to be a movie- Seriously?  You felt that a movie based on the board game Battleship needed to be a movie?  With starving children across the globe you had to pour money into a shitty sci fi naval combat movie that doesn't even say "You sunk my battleship"?  Fuck you guy, I'm coming for you.
Type of Punch: Jab in the nose.  Just knock some blood out and some sense into the idiot.

Michael Vick- I don't usually care what athletes, celebrities, singers, or any other famous people do in their spare time.  But if you're involved in something that actively harms dogs then you're a terrible human being and you don't deserve happiness.
Type of Punch: I'd probably box his ears, or fake out then a solid kick to the balls.

The founder of Texas- Just... I don't know, fuck Texas man, just...yeah, fuck that place.
Type of Punch: I can't guarantee I would ever stop, but I guess an uppercut to start.

Teddy Roosevelt- Now this is interesting because I'm a huge fan of Teddy Roosevelt.  He's a real romantic, he made himself not sick, he inspired teddy bears.  So why punch him in the face?  Because I want the honor of getting my ass kicked by Teddy fuckin' Roosevelt!
Type of Punch: I'm thinking a proper left cross, enough to get his attention but not cause any serious damage.

Me as a five year old- I was a dick as a kid, I could have used a good punch from my adult self.
Type of Punch- Right hook.  Maybe low to the ribs, I'm already not that good looking, why make things worse?

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